wedding speech. or toast? part 2.

After about 10 years of dating, living with, and learning one another, my brother married his best friend last weekend. And I couldn’t be happier about it. My brother and his wife asked their family members to say a few words at the wedding. This is what I said:

When Matt asked me to say something today I wanted to say something meaningful about marriage. I wanted to recite something that would somehow capture the importance of what is happening today.

Initially I turned to literature and religious texts to find some words of inspiration. But to be honest, those aren’t typically the source material I go to for that sort of thing. And the words that ring truest to me about the nature of love and marriage come from an opinion written by Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy last year. He says:

“Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there. It offers the hope of companionship and understanding and assurance that while both still live there will be someone to care for the other.”

Now I realize it’s not the most romantic picture of love; but I think it’s much more powerful than that. For me, the most profound demonstration of love has been a tender moment I witnessed in passing. One evening a few years ago when my dad was undergoing chemotherapy, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother cradling his head in the sink. She was gently washing his hair. I will never forget the look on my dad’s face: he was entirely at peace.

That was when I realized that marriage really is not about who you choose to start your life with, it’s about who choose to end it with. Who you choose to experience the seemingly intolerable lows with, because the highs come easy. It’s about trying to be your best self every day – even when it’s hard.

And that is why I am so excited for Matt and Shea. You two are closing in on a decade of partnership already. You know the lows and highs and how to endure and celebrate them. You know how to affect the course of each other’s day. And I don’t think there’s anything more valuable than that.

I wanted to take a moment to say how grateful I am to Shea for having faith in my brother. For knowing the man he is capable of being and staying with him until he got there. And I am so grateful to Matt. For seeing a pretty a girl across the room at a party and recognizing that she is so much more than that. You guys are your best selves together.

Justice Kennedy says that “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.”

Today that is true. Congratulations Matt and Shea.

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