Dear Texas Rangers,

I just wanted to say thank you for doing what the Red Sox couldn’t do for themselves – clinching the Wild Card for them last night. We in Red Sox Nation really appreciate you doing all the work. Because we sure couldn’t! (And I’m not just saying that to be nice.)

It must have felt really awesome to watch a bunch of losers celebrating their inability to win just one game with champagne and goggles. Especially when you are just going to sit back and watch them get run over by a team whose cry to fame is a dancing monkey in a diaper. I’ll save you a seat in the playoffs right next to shame and embarrassment. Because I’m pretty sure pride and hard work gave away the rest of their season tickets last month. Don’t worry. It will all be over soon.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say we really appreciate your assistance in helping us make it to the postseason. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Besos,
Kristen

CC: Tito, Theo, John Henry, and every member of the Boston Red Sox save for Jason Bay and Victor Martinez. (You boys might want to pass on the next round of celebratory drinks. You two have a lot of work to do.)

2 thoughts on “Dear Texas Rangers,

  1. It’s true, the Sox are gimping into the postseason. The Yanks are hot and the Cardinals are a threat. I’m truly concerned. And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t count us out.

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