Dear Tito:

I am deeply concerned.

No – you wait.

While you and Tony Massarotti are already off discussing who should start Game 1 of the playoffs, let me remind you that we still have to win six more in the regular season. And after losing two gimme games against Kansas City in what can only be described as a complete collapse of the bullpen I am not sure we should be discussing Game 1 pitching just yet. Let’s get there first.

And no – Jason Bay should not have to do it all himself.

Tito, let me recap what I have witnessed over the past week: premature celebration. Especially after wins against the O’s – a team whose last winning season hearkens back to 1997. Not to mention the Angels – a team so spooked about a potential series one match up with the Sox that the LA Times actually took time out of their busy schedule to stop chasing Brangelina to cover it. Call me high maintenance, but I’m not impressed.

Sure, Dice-K is back. But for how long? And what if he gets fat again? And Timmy Wake is a broken man. Be careful with him. He’s old. We need him to be a viable starter for at least another decade. Paul Byrd sounds like Papi right before he spiraled even deeper into his 0 for 149 slump. Manny Delcarmen has fallen off the wagon. And Josh still won’t talk to me. Not good.

Tito, last night Paul said he was “frustrated” and “won’t get any sleep.” Well, as a fellow insomniac, let me give him a few tips on how he and the bullpen can pass the hours of darkness between the time they stop whipping each other with towels in the locker room to printing T-shirts for the postseason.

• Do not count how many people you are disappointing in Red Sox Nation, instead, actually study the batters you will potentially face.
• Do not pray to God that he gives you the strength to pitch well, go talk to your pitching coach. He can actually help you.
• Practice your self-affirmations. Repeat after me: I am a pitcher for a Major League Baseball team. I make lots of money. I will show up for all nine innings.

And Tito, while you weren’t looking, yesterday the Yankees punched their ticket to the postseason while we’re still waiting in line haggling over who’s going to get the window seat. Seriously Tito, get everyone on board, make sure we don’t lose anyone’s luggage, and stand clear of the aisles. Let’s do this.

Hugs and kisses,
Kristen

PS. Please tell everyone to stop calling Victor Martinez V-Mart. That’s the best we can come up with?

5 thoughts on “Dear Tito:

  1. Munson. You are amazing. Although I don’t “watch baseball” and know “half of the things you are talking about in this blog post,” you still manage to make me smile. Hilarious. Don’t stop writing. Ever.

  2. Oh yes. And one thing I do know is design – and I’m so happy to see you got rid of that piss poor excuse for a layout and went back to something that suits you. Something with some personality. With moxie. On behalf of all your other readers who prefer the appearance of your blog not to induce the desire to cut themselves, I thank you. 😉

  3. I guess this is where our paths diverge. I know sports, you know what “looks good.” Although I don’t know how we can be best friends and disagree more.

    Anyhow, glad I made you laugh. Hopefully Tito did too. And then called a team meeting about the new hire coming aboard ….

  4. I agree with your V-Mart comment. We should just call him awesome, critical to the team, and amazing, but not V-Mart. He’s much better than a simile of a chain store.

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