Stop it. Whatever it is you think you’re doing – enough. I said I was sorry. And I meant it. Let’s move on.
Because you weren’t exactly being honest with me either. I’d call. I’d write. And what did you give me in return? Silence and four consecutive bad starts. Night after night I tuned in to WRKO wanting only the best for you. I made excuses for you every time people asked me, ‘What’s wrong with Josh?’ I lied for you! And afterward I sat in bed waiting for you to call me – tormented by your silence. And you couldn’t even lift a finger to send me a text! Not even a tweet!
Then the one game I’m back in Boston for that you pitch and I have to miss and suddenly you’re retaliating. 14 homeruns in five games Josh? You’re better than that. And I deserve more than what you’ve been giving me lately.
Look, I understand you are upset with me. But this isn’t AA ball. And I’m frustrated with you too. I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore. What’s with all these rumors about “working arm speed?” You say you’re not injured. You say nothing is wrong. You refuse my offers of a deep tissue massage. Fine. I admit. I don’t actually know how to perform them, but for you Josh, I’ll learn.
How do you think it makes me feel when you get on the mound, promise me great things, and then suddenly can’t perform? Are you tired? Is it me? Do you need me to buy more IcyHot? Just communicate with me!
Come now Josh. Stop acting like a rookie. No more head shots. No more silent treatment. No more long balls. This isn’t about location. This is bigger than me and you.
But in truth, I need you to put in some effort. I hear Penny threw eight shutout innings last night for the Giants. What’s it going to take for you to get your game back? Maybe you should pick up the phone and finally call me Josh. I’m here for you. And I think we can work it out. We’ve been through so much together in four years. Don’t throw it all away.
PS. Is this about the ring I mentioned I wanted? Because I meant the other kind.