Dear Papi,

Do not prove a liar out of me.

Not after all we’ve been through. I defended you when you were down, praised your magic eye drops when it mattered, and waited three months for you to get your head together before deciding to commit to the rest of the season.

Now this.

Please don’t tell me you are going to wind up like Manny – washed up in LA and on women’s hormones. Please don’t tell me I’m going to have to take Nana’s Ortiz jersey away from her. Please don’t tell me you have anything to be sorry for.

But the truth is, whatever you say Papi – I don’t believe you.

-Kristen

P.S. I can’t even look at you right now David. I need some space.

P.P.S. Come to think of it, I need some time alone from all of you boobs. Except Josh Beckett. (And Timmy Wake – but for different reasons entirely.)

P.P.P.S. Unless Josh you’re on the list of 103 other users as well. If that’s the case, lose my number too.

Editor’s note: Just a few hours after I posted this letter Papi hit one of his signature blasts into the stands to put the Sox on top over the A’s in the seventh. Now, if this is the proverbial equivalent of him bringing me flowers … he should know better. It’s going to take more than a game winning homerun against the A’s to win me back. This isn’t high school David. But, you know what, it’s a start.

6 thoughts on “Dear Papi,

  1. Kristen,

    I’m heartbroken! You can’t imagine how awful it was to have seen Nana’s face when you broke the news to her. She is very disappointed in David, more so in him than any of the rest of “her boys”. “What is this world coming to?” Those are Nana’s words. I think we should send Papi a note with a picture of Nana in it expressing our disappointment…..wonder if he would feel bad?

  2. We should definitely send a picture to Papi of Nana pouting. No one could resist that face. I’m pretty sure she would get at least a lifetime supply of Fenway Franks out of it – if not an in person apology from him.

    But in all seriousness, I’m tired of losing faith in my boys. I’m pretty sure the only ballplayer not doping was Tim Wakefield. I say this now. But come talk to me in six months.

    That aside, a friend at work mentioned he is more upset about all the sports writers condemning the players suspected of using instead of actually conducting investigations during the years when it counted. And he’s totally right. The sportswriters were satisfied with easy stories about homerun records and strike out phenoms.

    The writers got lazy. All of them. And they missed the real story. Every last one of them.

  3. i am trying not laugh too hard as i picture your face trying to sort out these posts DC. baseball isn’t for everyone biker boy. 🙂

  4. Steroid list:
    A-Roid
    Manny
    Bonds
    Papi
    Clemens
    Arroyo
    Clean List:
    Albert Pujols
    And every other cardinal on the roster haha

  5. It will be an interesting day indeed when the rest of the names are released Soccer Kid. In due time. In the meantime, I suspect every team had at least one user … including your beloved Cardinals. ;P

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