Don’t be a fool. Take the money and play.
Stop listening to Scott Boras and listen to me. You are getting old. You are coming off the worst season of your life. You are the last man I want standing at the plate in a clutch situation. Yet, you are revered by your teammates, adored by your fans, and you get to wear that nifty C on your uniform. Teams just don’t give those away. You are not going to find a sweeter deal anywhere else.
In truth, my reasons for wanting you to return are purely selfish – Jarrod Saltalamacchia is simply too hard to pronounce. Don’t leave us Sox fans high and dry and forced to cheer for a dude with a last name that is impossible to shorten. Think about it. The pitchers need you, and us fans really need you. Picture folks having to cheer for a dude with that last name after imbibing a few beers – not pretty. I am heading to spring training in March and I expect you to be there.
See you in uniform,
CC: Tito, Theo, John Henry