one more, once more

My toothbrush is getting used to having her own space in the medicine cabinet again. And so far, I think she likes it.

You see, Thursday my manfriend and I came to the conclusion that we are better off as friends. We had one of those nice break ups that you witness only in movies. In the past I always thought people who said their break up was a mutual decision, that there were no hard feelings, that it really was “a good break up,” were full of it. Or at least suffering from a severe case of denial. Because all of my break ups have involved one or both of us crying, lamenting the loss. Not this time.

Sure, it’s sad. It’s always sad when something ends. And maybe my toothbrush is really lonely. But my manfriend and I realized we had irreparable compatibility issues. Our relationship made sense on paper. But in practice things started to fall apart. While we both respected each other, enjoyed spending time together, found the other attractive, there were elements of our personalities that could never work.

Sometimes I felt like was crushing his dreams. Sometimes I felt like I was too strong a drink that he kept trying to water down. We talked about it. We tried working on it. But in the end, we decided to end it before we starting resenting each other. We are actually going to try to be friends – something I have never been capable of with an ex.

We checked in with each other Friday night and found that we were both happy with the decision. We wound up laughing that we could still talk and joke. We couldn’t determine why we wouldn’t work in the long run – just that we were certain we wouldn’t make it. I think my friend PB best described that feeling: “You can’t get there from here.” It’s kind of like unfolding a map, spreading it across the hood and saying, ‘Let’s drive to India.’ It sounds nice, but there is no route that will ever lead you there.

It makes me wonder what it is it that makes people compatible, and how those little voices in our heads guide our decision making. As far as us trying to be friends … maybe it makes a difference if you were friends first. Maybe it can happen if what first attracted you to the person still hasn’t changed. Maybe it can work if you both want it to. I hope so.

3 thoughts on “one more, once more

  1. I for one, am annoyed by all the voices in my head, but listen intently to my gut. It’s the strangest thing when they don’t understand each other….

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