Editor’s note: This conversation took place in a car. I was in the passenger’s seat and my dear friend B was driving. He had offered to drive me all the way home from work on Friday (45 miles from his house on the Peninsula) under the guise of a last minute business trip to Santa Rosa.But I know better. B needed girl advice. And he must have needed it badly.
Because the only time he ever calls me is if it’s about a girl. So we spent an hour together in rush hour traffic discussing why women like their men to commit. Honestly, is this still a mystery to you men folk? We also touched upon desirable qualities in a date. His are as follows.
Sidenote: It’s always interesting to hear from a person their must-haves in a romantic partner. It provides you with valuable insight into the inner workings of this person’s heart and mind. And even if you aren’t particularly attracted to this person, you are always curious if you would make the cut. Why is this?
Conversation with a boy #2 …
B: “I have three requirements in a girl,” he said before pausing.
ME: OK, let’s hear them.
His forehead bunched and tongue bulged against his cheek. Then his eyes began darting around the car as if the answer might somehow appear on the dashboard.This silence was followed by a short conversation with himself that went something like this:
B: “Wait. I had three … ”
B: “What were they again?”
B: ” Hang on.”
After some nervous laughter on his part and several strange facial expressions later, I finally interrupted.
ME: “Do you remember even one? Maybe if you recall one the others will come to you.”
B: “Hang on. Let me think,” he continued, eyes boring imaginary holes into the ceiling.
B: “Oh yes, I remember now,” smiling to himself.
B: She has to be pretty attractive, she has to be moderately intelligent, and finally, not annoying.”
Wow. For once I was speechless. After nearly 15 years of dating, my dear friend has finalized his list of must-have qualities in a mate and it has boiled down to three basic criteria: not ugly, not dumb, and tolerable. Dear Lord, sometimes I wonder how our species has made it this far.